Category archives for: Massh*les

Tom Brady Casually Mentions To Roger Goodell That There’s Always the Same Amount of Air in the Goddamned Trophy

tom brady wins fourth super bowlGLENDALE, Ariz. — Quarterback Tom Brady won his fourth ring, tossing four touchdown passes to lead the New England Patriots over the Seattle Seahawks 28-24 in Super Bowl XLIX at University of Phoenix Stadium on Sunday night. The Patriots clinched the game defending their own end zone in the final 30 seconds of the game. The Seahawks got the ball back with 2:02 left and opened with a 31-yard pass down the left sideline from quarterback Russell Wilson to running back Marshawn Lynch. After another first-down conversion on a Wilson pass to Ricardo Lockette, Seahawks wide receiver Jermaine Kearse caught a 33-yard bomb down the right sideline. Going up for the ball with Patriots cornerback Malcolm Butler, Kearse tipped the ball and caught it on a second bobble while on his back at the 6-yard line. The Seahawks ran Lynch on first down to reach the 1-yard line and with 25 seconds left. Wilson then fired a slant to Lockette that Butler intercepted. On his 50th pass attempt of the game, Brady tossed an easy 3-yard score to wide receiver Julian Edelman in front of Seahawks reserve cornerback Tharold Simon, and the Patriots reclaimed the lead, 28-24, with 2:02 left in the game. Brady, who was named the game’s MVP, connected on all eight of his passes on the drive that began when the Patriots forced a three-and-out on a 48-second possession by Seattle. (read more at the Bangor Daily News)

Stranded Loon Rescued By Ski Patrol. Is That What We’re Calling People From Massachusetts Now?

stranded loon at saddleback mountainA loon found stranded on a ski trail at Saddleback Mountain on Saturday was safely captured and returned to open water, ski resort officials said. The loon was spotted on Lower Hudson Highway and was safely captured by staff, placed in a plastic crate, and taken on a sled to the base lodge at Saddleback, according to a press release from the resort. Jared Emerson, Saddleback Ski Patrol Director, said marks in the snow indicated the loon had landed on a closed trail, America, and then skidded itself onto an open neighboring trail where it was spotted by skiers. Emerson said while trying to capture the loon, it continued to propel itself forward and slide down the mountain until it was caught on Upper Red Devil. “I never thought I’d be scooping up a loon and rescuing it in a Rubbermaid tub,” Emerson said Monday. He said they were told by wardens that the loon was not able to take off from the snow and needed to be taken to open water in order to survive. (read more at the Kennebec Journal)

J. Geils Wows The Audience At The Cross Center With Their Hit, ‘First I Look At The Nurse’

J Geils bandFor the 50-somethings, 60-somethings and 70-somethings who packed the Cross Insurance Centre in Bangor Saturday night to see Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band and J. Geils Band, it felt like the 1970s all over again. More  than 7,000 people sang nearly every lyric of ever song that both bands belted out over three hours. For many in the audience, hearing classic J. Geils Band songs like “House Party,” “Love Stinks,” “Give It to Me” and “Detroit Breakdown” was like being in high school or college again. When the 69-year-old Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band took the stage, this group of Baby Boomers were transported back to 2014  and relived their journey through life with an American rock legend who went on that journey with them every step of the way. (see more at

Reality TV Star’s Nephew Arraigned For Keepin’ It Real

BenzinoBROCKTON, Mass. — A Massachusetts man is due to be arraigned on assault charges in the shooting of his uncle, reality TV star Benzino. Authorities say Benzino, whose real name is Raymond Scott, was shot and injured Saturday while riding in his mother’s funeral procession. Gai Scott, of Randolph, Mass., was taken into custody and charged with assault with intent to murder. He is scheduled to be arraigned Monday in Plymouth District Court. Authorities say Scott pulled up alongside the hip-hop artist’s Bentley and opened fire. (read more at the Portland Press Herald)

You Want A Toe? I Can Get You A Toe, Believe Me. There Are Ways, Dude. You Don’t Wanna Know About It, Believe Me

Walter and The Dude in the dinerBOSTON — Police say a woman had her toe bitten off at a New Year’s Eve party in Boston. Officers responded to a city hospital at about 5 a.m. Wednesday for a report of an apparent assault in which the victim’s little toe on her left foot was bitten off. The victim told police she made a sexual advance to another woman at the party in the city’s Dorchester neighborhood at about 3 a.m., which upset the other woman’s boyfriend and led to a fight. (read more at Kennebec Journal)

Reporter Trying To Finish The 153rd Straight Story About Accused Mass Murderer Whitey Bulger That Doesn’t Mention His Brother Was The Massachusetts Senate President And President Of UMass

Whitey BulgerBOSTON — Jurors are expected to hear more grisly details about reputed mob boss James “Whitey” Bulger’s reign of terror in Boston when a former hit man testifies against his ex-boss in the closely watched racketeering and murder trial on Monday. Bulger faces a 32-count indictment that includes 19 murders he allegedly committed or ordered. The 83-year old, known as “Whitey” for the shock of blond hair he had even as a child, is accused of running Boston’s “Winter Hill Gang” for decades and threatening to kill small-time criminals unless they paid protection money. He has pleaded not guilty to all counts. The trial marks the final chapter in one of Boston’s longest-running crime dramas, bringing some closure to families of the 19 murder victims who are planning to come to the waterfront courthouse daily for the trial that is expected to last three to four months. In last week’s opening statements, prosecutors portrayed Bulger as a hands-on killer while Bulger’s lawyer described him as a mild-mannered criminal who had engaged in illegal gambling, loansharking and drug dealing but not murder. (read more at Bangor Daily News)

Auction Of 1640 Psalm Book Highlights First Known Instance Of Bostonians Praying For A Left-Handed Outfielder That Could Hit For Power

Bay Psalm BookNEW YORK — A tiny book from 1640 believed to be the first ever printed in what is now the United States is going up for auction, and it could sell for as much as $30 million. Only 11 copies of the Bay Psalm Book survive in varying degrees of completeness. Members of Boston’s Old South Church have authorized the sale of one of its two copies at Sotheby’s Nov. 26. “It’s a spectacular book, arguably one of the most important books in this nation’s history,” said the Rev. Nancy Taylor, senior minister and CEO of the church, which was established in 1669. Samuel Adams was a member and Benjamin Franklin was baptized there. At one time, the church owned five copies of the 6-by-5-inch hymnal. One is now at the Library of Congress, another at Yale University and a third at Brown University. (read more at Portland Press Herald)

Nothing Says “Elegance” Like A Bunch Of Senior Citizens And Disability Fraudsters Pulling Levers In A Strip Mall Low-Rise Office Building Built On A Puddle Of Toxic Sludge In A Slum

Everett CasinoEVERETT, Mass. —  Las Vegas gambling magnate Steve Wynn’s firm on Wednesday unveiled a rendering of a $1.2 billion riverfront casino proposal that will compete with two others for the sole eastern Massachusetts resort casino license. The rendering envisions a 19-story hotel and casino with a glass facade rising on the banks of the Mystic River, connected to what appear to be restaurants and retail stores along a riverwalk on either side of the main building. The proposed casino would sit on 37 acres of land at the site of a former chemical plant in Everett, a city of about 41,000 residents just north of Boston. (read more at Lewiston Sun Journal)

Joe Kennedy Says Hugo Chavez Is Willing To Help Poor People From Massachusetts Heat Their Homes With Brimstone Next Year

hows the brimstone taste hugoCARACAS, Venezuela — President Hugo Chavez was a former paratroop commander and self-styled “subversive” who waged continual battle for his socialist ideals. He bedeviled the United States and outsmarted his rivals time and again, while using Venezuela’s vast oil wealth to his political advantage. Chavez led one coup attempt, defeated another and was re-elected three times. Almost the only adversary it seemed he couldn’t beat was cancer. He died Tuesday in Caracas at age 58, two years after he was first diagnosed. The son of schoolteachers, he rose from poverty in a dirt-floor, mud-walled house, a “humble soldier” in the battle for socialism. He fashioned himself after 19th-century independence leader Simon Bolivar and renamed his country the Bolivarian Republic of Venezuela. (read more at Portland Press Herald)

Home Construction Increases In Northern Massachusetts, But No One Wants To Move To Maine

New home construction in MaineNew-home construction in southern Maine has jumped 35 percent in 2012, a rebound from last year when housing starts in the region hit a 20-year low. While the news is good, it does not necessarily signal a recovery, builders say. They caution that the figures mark mainly prime locations in southern coastal towns and that new construction in the rest of the state remains stagnant. The number of new-home permits in southern Maine is still well below pre-recession levels and some builders fear this year’s growth is just a temporary uptick after last year’s depressed numbers. “There are definitely pockets of growth, especially in coastal areas in York County. West of I-95, things are really slow,” said Larry Duell, president of the Home Builders and Remodelers Association of Maine. “Statewide, new-home permitting is weak.” (read more at Portland Press Herald)

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