The Rumford Meteor » Lummoxes and Cheerleaders

Vince Wilfork And His Wife Still Trying To Decide Which One Of Them Is Going To Beat Ted Johnson’s Candy Ass When They See Him

Aubuchon Connery — Sat, 23 Mar 2013 13:47:36 +0000

BOSTON (CBS) — There are certain things that should always be off limits for conversations, especially in public forums, and former Patriots linebacker Ted Johnson is learning that today. Johnson, now a sports radio host in Houston, was participating in a segment called “None Of Your Business.” Johnson was asked by a caller to say which of his former teammates had the “ugliest spouse.” The website Houston Media Watch captured the audio and posted the segment online. “Oh, my gosh. All right, you know what? I got it. Yeah, I got it. This is a big, big man,” Johnson said. “He won’t hear this — Vince Wilfork.” Well, Johnson’s presumption proved true, but only temporarily, as the audio clip made its way around Twitter on Friday morning. And apparently, Wilfork caught wind of the comments, because he tweeted out a warning shot. (read more at CBS Boston)

Wes Welker Apparently Prefers That Crucial Playoff Passes Be Intercepted Before He Gets A Chance To Drop Them, Goes To Play With Peyton Manning

Aubuchon Connery — Thu, 14 Mar 2013 14:12:49 +0000

DENVER — The Denver Broncos gave Peyton Manning a new target — Tom Brady’s favorite receiver. Wes Welker’s signing for $12 million over two years highlighted another busy day for the Broncos on Wednesday. In addition to bringing Welker on board, Denver also agreed to terms on a two-year deal with defensive tackle Terrance Knighton, formerly of Jacksonville, and a one-year contract with linebacker Stewart Bradley, who played with the Cardinals the past two seasons. Broncos boss John Elway was far from done, though, adding cornerback Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie on a one-year deal later in the evening. Once again, the Broncos are being aggressive in free agency. It worked so well last season when they won the high-stakes contest to sign Manning, which prompted Elway to joke, “Plan B? I don’t have a Plan B. We’re going with Plan A.” Manning guided the Broncos to a 13-3 regular season finish, only to lose to Baltimore in double overtime during the division round of the playoffs. (read more at Morning Sentinel)

Man Who Can Obviously Afford More Life Insurance And Ammo Than The Average Person Accuses Ray Lewis Of Doping

Aubuchon Connery — Thu, 31 Jan 2013 16:31:25 +0000

NEW ORLEANS — Ravens coach John Harbaugh says star linebacker Ray Lewis assured him “there’s nothing to” a magazine report linking him to a company that makes deer-antler spray containing a banned performance enhancer. Harbaugh said Wednesday morning he spoke with Lewis. The coach said Lewis “knows there is nothing to it. He understands it’s something he’s never been involved in.” On Tuesday, Sports Illustrated reported that Lewis sought help from a company that makes the unorthodox product to speed his recovery from a torn right triceps. Lewis missed 10 games with the injury. (read more at Kennebec Journal)

Patriots Cough Up A Harbaugh On The Carpet In Foxboro

Aubuchon Connery — Mon, 21 Jan 2013 17:11:40 +0000

FOXBOROUGH, Mass. – This time, Tom was not terrific, and the New England Patriots’ season is over. No return to New Orleans and this year’s Super Bowl. No Back to the Bayou. The Baltimore Ravens beat the Patriots on Sunday night in the American Football Conference championship game, 28-13. Put the emphasis on “beat.” In a sport that can be brutal, this game was. In a culture where teams talk about hitting their opponent in the mouth, again and again, Baltimore did that. Sometimes too literally. The sight of Patriots running back Stevan Ridley lying on the turf with the football rolling free made you sick. He was down and virtually out. The helmet-to-helmet hit by Baltimore safety Bernard Pollard knocked Ridley out of the game with a head injury. As the football rolled away, so did the Patriots’ chances. Baltimore recovered the ball and scored another touchdown. (read more at Portland Press Herald)

MPBN Establishes Phone Line To Help Downton Abbey Devotees Avoid The Pats Game. Because We All Know Girls Don’t Like Looking At Tom Brady

Aubuchon Connery — Fri, 18 Jan 2013 14:42:23 +0000

BANGOR, Maine — In an effort to prevent potential family fights and remote control riots that could erupt between football fans and devoted TV drama viewers Sunday night, Maine Public Broadcasting Network has created a conflict support phone line. With a definite conflict looming between the latter portion of Sunday’s AFC Championship game between the New England Patriots and the Baltimore Ravens, and the third season’s third episode of “Downton Abbey,” a British period drama series which has gained a cult following among public TV viewers, MPBN officials decided to call an audible to prevent any potential disputes. “We recognize that the New England Patriots game may extend past 9 p.m. and Downton Abbey fans may not have control of the remote control at that crucial time,” said Cory Morrissey, MPBN’s marketing director in a statement released Thursday afternoon. “We want ‘Downton’ fans to know when and how they will next have access to this episode. (read more at Bangor Daily News)

Tom Brady Pissed He Has To Get On A Plane And Go Beat Some Sort Of Football Team They’ve Got In Jacksonburg, Alabama Or Somewhere

Aubuchon Connery — Mon, 24 Dec 2012 11:10:18 +0000

JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — Coming off consecutive prime-time games at home and facing one of the NFL’s worst teams on the road, the New England Patriots were poised for a letdown. They surely didn’t expect a near meltdown. Tom Brady overcame a rough start by throwing two touchdown passes, and the Patriots held on to beat the woeful Jacksonville Jaguars 23-16 on Sunday. “We came out flat and I think it showed out there,” Patriots receiver Wes Welker said. “We’ve got to do a better job of starting fast and doing what we do to take control of the game. ” (read more at Kennebec Journal)

With Gisele Out Of Commission, Brady Has To Settle For Defiling The Texans

Aubuchon Connery — Tue, 11 Dec 2012 13:26:51 +0000

FOXBOROUGH, Mass. — The much-hyped “Monday Night Football” matchup between the 11-1 Texans and the 9-3 Patriots was a dud. New England re-established itself as the team to beat in the AFC, clobbering Houston 42-14 for its seventh straight win. The Texans, who had won six straight and came in 6-0 on the road, had a chance to clinch home field throughout the playoffs, but they laid a huge, nationally televised egg. They now would lose the tiebreaker if the Patriots make up another game. New England quarterback Tom Brady, fresh off the birth of his third child, threw four touchdown passes (his 45th consecutive game with at least one). Brady fired three TD tosses in the game’s first 19 minutes, two of them to tight end Aaron Hernandez. (read more at Bangor Daily News)

Stunned Kansas City Fans Beginning To Suspect Chiefs Linebacker Didn’t Really Give A Shit About Breast Cancer, Either

Aubuchon Connery — Sun, 02 Dec 2012 13:48:52 +0000

ORONO, Maine — The reaction to the news that former UMaine football player and Kansas City Chiefs linebacker Jovan Belcher killed his girlfriend and then himself on Saturday was met with uniform reaction by his former teammates and coaches: Shock. “I’m hard-pressed to find or recall a young man who had more of an impact in a positive way on his team-mates and his football family in my time here,” UMaine football coach Jack Cosgrove said Saturday. ”He’s truly one of the great stories in the program’s history.” Belcher was involved on campus with the Male Athletes Against Violence initiative and mentored a young man in the Big Brothers program, according to Bangor Daily News archives. (read more at Bangor Daily News)

12 Maine High School Football Players Honored To Be In The Running To Receive The Bizarre Misshapen Player Of The Year Award

Aubuchon Connery — Thu, 29 Nov 2012 11:47:10 +0000

The 42nd James J. Fitzpatrick Trophy semifinalists have been announced. They are Brian Bedard, Leavitt Area High; Bobby Begin, Thornton Academy; Cale Bollig, Westbrook; Spencer Carey, Lawrence; Tate Gale, Portland; Donald Goodrich, Cheverus; Nick Leblond, Biddeford; Jack Lucy, Orono; Dillon Russo, Scarborough; Alex Shain, Sanford; Chandler Shostak, Cony, and Kenny Sweet Deering. (read more at Kennebec Journal)

Messalonskee Football Coach Cleared Of Assault, Decides To Dial Back The Moe, Channel His Inner Larry Fine From Now On

Aubuchon Connery — Tue, 20 Nov 2012 12:04:55 +0000

WATERVILLE — The district attorney announced Monday he wouldn’t file a criminal assault charge against former high school football coach Wes Littlefield. “I’ve made the determination not to prosecute,” acting District Attorney Alan Kelley said. In an earlier statement, Kelley said “criminal assault charges are not supported by the evidence under current Maine law.” That statement Monday also said that the office “does not condone the alleged conduct” of the former Messalonskee High School head football coach. Littlefield said that the decision would allow him to move on with his life. He said that the charges haven’t affected his personal relationships with students and parents. “The people who know me knew to stand by me,” he said. The Oakland Police Department charged Littlefield with assault following a Messalonskee High School football practice on Sept. 19. (read more at Morning Sentinel)